You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if only i could text you this smell
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
