Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
