New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Randomize
