Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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