I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
