Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize