Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
