No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
