Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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