i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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