You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
BRING THE BAGELS
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
