do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
