yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
