I wanna passion pit in your ass
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I did not marry a roomba.
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