I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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