the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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