yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
