bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
