guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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