i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So much Jack, so little girl.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Drunk is not a location!
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
