Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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