The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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