Say something about gay babies.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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