You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize