I think my vagina is haunted
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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