i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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