i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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