I feel like I'm in dance class right now
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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