It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
