I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
