i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
