I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
