Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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