Kiss
Puke
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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