sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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