Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My pussy is not your playground.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
