My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
