A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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