I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
