Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
