If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
