Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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