I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize