what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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