im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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