when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
