If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
