i think my mom watched the whole time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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