Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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