After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
