You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
