SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
