is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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