your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
