Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
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he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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