I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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