you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
