You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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