Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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